Monday, October 03, 2016

And now, a personal letter to my female readers

The Advoc8te balancing life, lizards & lanterns
The Advoc8te looks for signs, lessons and even omens in everything. Some may accuse me of having a suspicious mind but I like to think that if you are willing to look -- and look honestly -- the answers to most of life's questions and challenges can be found around you. I once was clued in to someone's faux self when I discovered he was wearing stylish but totally non prescriptive eyeglasses! I never said anything but I filed it away for things to be aware of (in this case, style vs. substance). Quality always stands up to pressure, integrity never falters, mink eyelashes will ALWAYS trump the plastic kind, and true love is just that -- true. The real thing beats a copy any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

That said, life is hard, people disappoint, and sometimes what/who you think can be your dream come true can actually be a nightmare come to life. To be fair, I am blessed with a lot of great things but even The Advoc8te has her bad days when I skip the Kleenex and just bawl my eyes out into Brawny paper towels (much better for mink eyelashes). Despite my many awards, headlines and projects sometime's even I don't feel like a cover girl. I find myself saying, "I'm great but am I as good as her?" (Notice how women always compare ourselves to another woman? I wonder if men do the same --  maybe just during football season??) Those are the moments when I am most frustrated with myself, when I feel that my vulnerability outweighs my need to "kill it" on a regular basis. I can be many things but I shall not be a sucker. Thou shalt not play me. Ever!

Badass & Unapologetic
I always say that there are so many smart, beautiful, caring and interesting women in D.C. and I wish I could find a smart, beautiful, caring and interesting man (or woman) for each one of us. Maybe even a spare in case we break the first one (it has been known to happen). As women we deserve the best, we are the prize, we are someone's future wife, mother, auntie, best friend, partner-in-crime, etc. Ladies we are someone's dream realized (even if we don't realize it ourselves). 

Being a woman is hands down the hardest job I ever had in my life and I've done telemarketing! You have to juggle so many roles and do it perfectly and all while wearing high heels, smudge-proof lipstick and waterproof mascara (in case you haven't sprung for those mink eyelashes yet). Even without children we are often "mothering" some one, without being in the military we are sure to be "soldiering on,"  and even without pom-poms we are cheerleading someone on. And most importantly, despite being considered the "fairer sex" we have to "man up" on a daily basis -- all while looking like we have stepped from the pages of a magazine and having the disposition of a Georgia peach -- sweet and soft.

Being a woman in today's society is hard as hell. Being a badass woman in today's society means having to explain the very best part of ourselves -- the parts that are demanding, the parts that don't take no mess and that don't apologize for expecting the best from ourselves and from those in our orbit.

And despite our best efforts, our talents, our sacrifices, our eduction, our passion, our love, our generosity we can at times be left to feel less than our flawed and beautiful selfs. I say "flawed" on purpose because while no one is perfect we are the most imperfect versions of our true selfs. I can still be kick-ass and not be a size 4, I can still strike fear in the heart of these fools and still let my dog run my life (and he does run it). 

Where do I go from here? Anywhere I damn well please!
Warrior women (and we are) move forward despite the hurdles, despite the challenges and yes, despite the pain. Black Girl Magic is real but it's not a panacea for being a woman living in a man's world trying to navigate and balance the challenges of a life.  Today's society places more emphasis on a big butt than a big heart. The challenges of dating has left AMAZING women willing to time-share a LACKLUSTER man or worse -- feel like we have to be chosen instead of us doing the choosing. Ladies, I am going to let you in on a secret -- I cry. And there are times that I feel so...alone in my awesome that I wonder if badass women are allowed to be badass and in love with a mate deserving of our badassness. 


And sometimes it can be really hard (like heartbreaking hard) to remember that. I think as woman (even warrior women) we always want to fix things, to help when we can and sometimes that means that we invest more time and magic into situations and people than we should have. I get it, women are resilient creatures -- we place hot wax on our faces (and elsewhere) for the price of beauty. As a sex, we got this. We know about sacrifice and we know that sometimes you have to do the big chop to get to the teeny weeny afro in order to move up to that big beautiful braid out. We know about commitment, we live in patience and we have been fired in the crucible of sacrifice. 

All the time the "right man" for a job is in fact a woman. And while our backs may be bowed by society, and our shoulders tight from these evil bra straps and our hearts are heavy from the disappointments and challenges of a world that would rather elect an incompetent man than a kick-ass, smart-as-hell woman we have to solider on. Not because one day our prince will come, but because we are the queens and when the queen arrives everyone should bow down.

Real women wear crowns, as proclaimed by The Advoc8te

So until then, let's have a love affair for ourselves. Let's be The Man in our lives. Let's be the ones that send ourselves chocolates, roses & poetry (or in my case floral head pieces and vintage handbags). Only until we can truly celebrate our amazing selves can we truly expect someone to treat us like the queens we are. I have a lot of #SoutheastLove but I also have #LadyLove and that love kicks ass, takes names, and doesn't apologize for it -- no way and no how. The mate for you will recognize your awesome and will celebrate you for it. There are a lot of little boys running around in men's clothing. A real man won't make you feel like you are "too much" or "too demanding" they will know that you came in their life to give them a better one. You are the answer to their prayers, the dream they didn't know they had. You won't have to force that person to give you what you need -- they will want to give you that and more. Boys want to keep things casual, real men (and women) want to lock it down and aren't afraid of commitment. If a man tells you he doesn't want you to have "expectations" then he doesn't expect (or deserve) more for himself. Boss men want boss ladies -- regardless of their timeline and not little girls who are willing to be the side order. That's another thing, ladies, stop settling for appetizer status -- you are setting us ALL back! Imagine how DC's dating pool would improve if we all moved from waiting to be chosen to being the ones doing the choosing! 

We are the prize -- if you don't know you better ask somebody! (or forward them this blog post)

Nikki Peele AKA The Advoc8te 

In case you were wondering what was the inspiration for this post here you go. Warning: You will bawl like a baby -- but that's okay because badass women are allowed to cry, to dream, and to love the badass men who love us back. :)


Anonymous said...

Love this! It literally brought tears to my eyes!

Me too! said...

This right here was the!

DaReslnt1 said...

black love!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful! I had to learn this the hard way.

Anonymous said...

You're post hit all the right points and I'm sure spoke to so many of us women. Never settle. Know your worth. Keep 'em coming!

P.S. So glad I found your blog! I just bought a place in Congress Heights and am looking to learn more about the community.